ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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