Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
