yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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