coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
