I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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