i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Pooping to opera.
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