Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
