I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
