dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
