she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
