i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize