I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize