Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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