Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
