Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
