So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
