4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
