when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
