You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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