oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize