a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
