nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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