Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
