These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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