her vagine was all disorganized.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
