People with herpes should wear stickers.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
