I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
