I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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