i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
