Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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