He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have demons in me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
