So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
