Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
