Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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