u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
