I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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