Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
