hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
