and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
