So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
