It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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