oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just pynch a tree in the face
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
