I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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