I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
