so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
