And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
