I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
