i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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