I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
