so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
