she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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