I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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