Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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