He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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