my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
