You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
