careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm too high and old for this...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
