i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
